The last time I was on Match for a month was a bust. I wasn’t catching any good fish, and I felt no real desire to do anything with it. By the middle of the month, I was already becoming totally smitten with a wonderful guy, who unfortunately lives in a different time zone, but we were doing what we could to stay connected until we could find some way to see if a future was possible.
Of course the day after I canceled Match, I get the email saying something to the effect of “Anonymous is interested in you and sent you an email. Find out who’s interested.” The next day, I received another email saying a second person emailed me and is interested in getting to know me. By the middle of the week, I had collected six emails, and I thought, what gives? I’m getting more action than I had in my month on there previously.
Yet, when I saw all this anonymous interest, brazen hussy that I am, I was curious. I waited, knowing that a discount price was sure to drop in my inbox any day now. When it did, I signed up just to find out who these goofs who were emailing me now. Several guys were carry-overs from before who I’d left dormant and were nothing to write home about, some probably would make decent friends but wanted more. Then, in the midst of the pile, there was a diamond sparkling.
Mr. Etiquettte, aged 41, divorced dad of 2. Had lived in Germany for the last 19 years. Was previously a professional drummer in very successful band overseas. Now a marriage and family therapist, psychotherapist, and adjunct professor teaching online classes in psychology. He had written a brief, sweet email, sounding a bit nervous, asking me to check out his profile and hoping I liked what I saw enough to want to start a dialogue.
I waited almost a week because I knew that this guy might actually be promising. I needed time to decide if I should actually pursue this or focus solely on my long-distance lover. How would one email hurt? I bet he had some amazing stories to tell; I’m a writer, and I was curious to hear his life story. And not for nothing, he’s pretty cute.
So I sent him a long email about myself. Talked about my singer/songwriting background. Told him about being a teacher, a journalist, and fiction writer. Mentioned my near future career goal direction into expressive arts therapy. He replied fascinated. He also thought we had a lot in common, with similar sensibilities, and looked forward to hearing from me soon
He shared more about his background: his heartbreak that his children, ages 9 and 10, now live across the seas. He spoke of the divorce—his German wife missed her old life and family when they moved to the States a few years ago.
On a whim, don’t really know why, other than that we kept sending novel emails when he’s an incredibly busy man, I entrusted him with my phone number saying we could probably cover more ground more quickly that way. Surprisingly, he called me in the middle of the next day. After brief niceties, he said, “I have visitor coming in tomorrow, but I would really love to meet you. I’m booked all day. Would you have time for coffee or something tonight?”
For some reason, I said yes. I made myself pretty and begged my mom to drop me off at Border’s. Unfortunately they were closing up the coffee shop section, so we headed across the street to Chili’s. That’s when I had to explain why I didn’t have my car, why I couldn’t drive, and thus explaining “the illness.” He DIDN’T FREAK. Instead, he was incredibly compassionate and supportive, and we just carried on with our date.
We ate, talking about everything for several hours, though he had a long work day again tomorrow and a out-of-town visitor coming over night. “I don’t want this to end,” he kept saying.
Truthfully, I was enjoying it too. We’re both meaningful communicators and pensive. So we shared a lot of deep thoughts and explored heavy emotions for a first date.
Mr. Etiquette mentioned his previous night’s date, where he felt zero chemistry, but she said, “So you’ll call me?” He said, “um…yes?” trying to be polite. So at the end of our date, he said, “So call me or email me. You know, if you want to.” It was very cute. I told him to feel free to do the same.
It was such a non-awkward first date, such easy, comfortable conversation. Especially by the end, we were showing our compatible sense of humor as well. I thought I really think I might want to see this man again.