Hey, Jealousy…

This morning I woke up to the following text on my cell phone:

How many dates can one girl go on in a week, geez?

Harlequin Hero, who left back for Florida on Friday, has been stalking my activity again through Facebook apparently. I wasn’t entirely sure what he was getting at though unless he has spies. The two status updates I left this past weekend were rather vague.

Saturday’s status update: Off to Gillette State Park (entry to all CT state parks & forests free this wkend), later to Rock Cats game.

I went to Gillette State Park with my mom. The Rock Cats game was with Mr. Etiquette and his two German friends. Nothing spicy there. Although Harlequin Hero did text me Saturday night when I was at the baseball game, and my purse apparently crank called him twice while I was engrossed in the game. Who knows what he might have heard, but I’m doubting it could have been anything more that “Oooh! Great hit!”

Sunday’s status update at the end of the night: A Yankee castle, lazy Connecticut River, goofy nerds and tasty Nerds, followed by a BBQ with my favorite new Germans, and some old time rock n roll…the perfect Sunday

Definitely more personal, but it assumes group activity and silly fun, I’d think. “Tasty Nerds” referred to the actual candy, btw! The truth is both days really were dates with this one man who is coming to mean more and more to me with each day. However, that’s not really the issue at hand. The issue is one, why is HH reading anything into my status updates ? And two, why is he acting all jealous?

Well to be perfectly honesty, I might have some insight into the jealousy issue. Now readers, I am not proud of what I am about to divulge, but it happened, and I trust we’re all adults and can handle my mistakes or errs in judgment. A week from this past Saturday, HH and I were texting back and forth while I was out and about running errands. Then I was off to Mr. Etiquette’s house. HH texed if I was heading back home, but I didn’t get the message until very late that night since I was busy enjoying Mr. E’s company.

The next day, I tell HH I didn’t get his message until long after he sent it. He replies, “Yeah, thanks for blowing me off last night!” My response was that if he had wanted to do something, he never actually asked, and he already knew I had plans for the night, so where did he get off being all pissy? He said, “uh hmmm, yeah.”

We did not converse again until Wednesday. I knew he was soon leaving so I apologized for any misunderstandings from the weekend when I only understood a third of what he was getting at anyway. He asked me what I was doing that night. My friend Laura and I were headed to UCONN to hear a presentation on an accelerated 1-year program to become RNs, but I told him we’d be done by 7. He left the message “Chips…dip..Yanks.” I do enjoy my sports, and I knew this would be the last time I could see him before he left down south, so I agreed to hang out.

When he is up in the area,  he lives at his mother’s home. I figured they’d be there obviously; they’ve always been there whenever I came over in the past. Yet when HH and I walked into the house, it was remarkably empty. His mom and stepfather were apparently on a cruise. Hmm, interesting.

We grabbed our chips, dip, and salsa, and went to watch the Yankees until I sweetly persuaded him to turn to the NBA Playoffs. There was some friendly banter and a little bit of cuddling, but it felt more like two old friends just hanging out. Until it wasn’t. I realized I am still not immune to the magnetic physical pull between us.

At the time, still so early in our dating of course, I was feeling uncertain about Mr. E. He was distancing himself because he was scared of the amazing connection, scared of moving forward, feeling like he didn’t deserve happiness when he wasn’t physically in his kids’  lives every single day, etc. But this is not really why I let what happen between HH and I happen.

I think the part of me that still lingered from a year and half ago remembered what HH and I once shared, yet also saw a more mature and grounded HH. He was buying a house (very near mine), he was more spiritual after losing his sister, and he had wisened up after his ex-fiance bailed on him for the second time. This was old attraction mingled with new appreciation.

The night ended. Life moved on. Mr. Etiquette checked back in on Thursday and Friday and told me he kept thinking about me and wanting to call, but he was scared. Yet he missed me. I realized we were going to try moving forward together, at whatever pace he needed to go.

I sent HH a text on Friday afternoon saying goodbye since he was leaving.  He said, “Thanks for hanging out.” The night was just a night, and I was happy to leave it in the past.

Saturday, while at the ball game, I get the first HH text: Things get ‘kinda’ hot when we get together. Good gravy, yes, I redirected the conversation to ask if he had arrived in Florida yet, then plopped the phone in my purse to enjoy the rest of the game.

Today, after the text which suspiciously smelled of jealousy, I called him on it. First I asked, what he was talking about. He said facts are facts.  I replied, “What facts do you know? Why would it concern you even if it were true? You got to up and leave anyway, free just as you like it.” I signed off with a smiley face, to show him I was just ribbing him, but also speaking the truth.

Funnily enough, he has not responded.

It’s silly really. Apparently he thought our night watching and playing sports was a date…but not until after he thought he had competition. Yet there is no competition. He doesn’t want a relationship. He just wants a connection that when I did still love him, I promised would always remain. Yes, he was always be special and meaningful to me, but we can’t continue this muddled combination of friends and lovers.  He doesn’t realize he made this choice long ago. I have moved on.

Readers, I really needed to remember that the past is almost always best left in the past.

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