Email of the Day: Now Women Are My Drug

Earlier this week, I received the following email on OkStCupid that put me on Cloud…well, .023

I,m new in this coputer thing period. I’m just loofing to meet some friends. I;m very busy most of the time. you look very sexy and sound very interrested. Ill I have some more and better picktures of me on this site by next week. I f you want call my cell number any time (xxx-990-xxxx) you pronounce the name I-knowledge. I hope you respond back or call. PEACE!!

Less you think I am meanly mocking someone whose first language isn’t English, this fellow was “born, lived and from New York city.” Thus, I can presume in the 20 seconds he took to write this email, he didn’t take the time to use spell check or even just glance over what he wrote to see if it all even made sense to himself…one would hope he knew how to spell the machine he was using to type this message, and that he knew the difference between loofing and looking.

Okay, onto his profile. As if I wasn’t already thinking this guy was a winner, the second sentence of his profile said: “Been in legal trouble(I use to hustle drugs(I’m off that now).” Well, there is something to be said of honesty. Now that he’s turned over a new leaf, he practices yoga, plays chess…and “loves to have sex.”

Just in case that last thing slipped by you, he includes in his list of things he’s really good at “some private bed things.” Wink wink.

And if you didn’t miss those two things, the most private thing he’s willing to admit is, you guessed it, “I love sex a-lot!”

Not that he’s all about sex. He’s also a good listener and problem solver who makes people laugh. He has focus, balance and is “complex.” He likes The Alchmist [sic] and The Twilight series. Jay-Z, Creed and Taylor Swift.

He also aspires to own a fast food franchise “within the next 15 years.”  Fifteen years as opposed to 8 or 10? Well, I suppose that gives him plenty of time to work toward his dream.

Not sure if he thought this was one more thing to win over the ladies, but under the first things people usually notice about you, he put “I’m quiet but look sneaky.” Great, going out in public with you must be a dream if you look like you’re about to bolt because you’ve just done something shady, or better still, illegal.

Really, I don’t mean to take the piss out of the guy so much. I’m sure he means well. And it does take courage and strength to change your direction in life toward the positive. But sorry, “I-knowledge,”  I just don’t think cupid meant for us to be a match.


4 thoughts on “Email of the Day: Now Women Are My Drug

  1. OMG this made my friggin day!
    POF is the same way. And men wonder why spelling matters. THIS IS WHY!!!

    Not being able to spell or use word to spell check just makes you look like an uneducated, toothless, hillbilly! Yet we’re supposed to swoon over that? *sigh*

    I’m not bitter at all. Been on POF 3 days this time around and I’m already to delete my profile again.

    Excellent post!

  2. Three words- Hooked On Phonics.

    What’s funny about this post is that I’m guessing this is a brother writing this ridiculously ignorant message. Maybe it was some of the other things that clue me in to this, but when he ended the message with “Peace”? Wow. Lol.

    Here’s the deal with dumb ass profiles like this- if these men already know that their spelling and grammar is that of a second grade immigrant from Slovakia or something, why not use spell check? Or here’s a tip- use easy words only? Better yet and not that I condone falsely representing oneself as being literate, but have a lady friend (I believe boys always thought spelling didn’t matter) write up your profile.

    Annoyingly funny. Thanks for the afternoon comedy relief!

  3. Oh, hellllll nawwwwwwww!! haha (just had to write that). But yeah, “I-knowledge,” it’s not in the cards buddy.

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