When to Color Outside the Lines

Ever since I broke up with the V-Man the first time, more than two and half years ago, I decided to broaden my horizons in the world of dating. Obviously I knew the men I was attracted to…or at least I know who were the men attracted to me enough to pursue me who I was interested enough to allow to continue to pursue me. Unfortunately, I was finding too often, that perhaps the men I was allowing into my life, while all possessing some great qualities, weren’t necessarily the right men for me to date in the long-term. In fact I’d spent so much time in relationships that weren’t right for me, I had become convinced I just wasn’t cut out for any other kind of relationship anymore. I was spoiled goods.

Well the truth was, deep in my heart, I never truly believed that. But the other truth was, I wasn’t totally sure who I should be looking out for to be my next future mate. I decided to open the doors up wide and see who passed through before passing any solid judgments on whether I was going to seriously date someone or not even go beyond a first date.

I dated a professional motocross man who was still not quite over his ex-fiancee who crushed his heart. He later moved back down to Florida, after a wonderful few weeks together with me. He was incredibly sexy, made me weak in the knees, took me out to sporting events, watched me do karaoke, we hung out with his parents and sister, and we had absolutely amazing nights in bed before he left. I later found out that after he went back down south, he did eventually get back together with his fiancee. When his sister died last year, she bailed on him, and I was there to comfort him. Not surprisingly, after finding solace in my friendship and my warm embrace, he disappeared into his family and motocross again. I’m sure he picked up with any number of other girls 20 years his junior.

I dated a divorced man who was still filled with bitterness over his ex-wife who didn’t try hard enough to love him. He also was still in love with a woman who couldn’t wait long enough for his separation to turn into a legal divorce so she moved on. She wound up finding a younger man with less baggage who was ready to jump head in now. I was the one left with all the baggage and “why don’t you do this?” “You act as if you don’t feel like this about me because of x, y, and z.”

He was really there for me early last year in the hospital, but when I couldn’t be his muse for too long, and when I couldn’t star in his personal live porn anymore, he lost interest for a while. Sometimes he still reaches out as a friend…to tell me I’m still beautiful and sexy…and apologize for not appreciating me as much as he should’ve while he had all of me.

I dated a guy who lived in another state. He did Bikram yoga religiously. He went from being in business to being a personal trainer and wanting to start his own studio. He drove down to see me as often as I drove up to see him. He freaked when I tried to throw a small party upon his graduation from his personal training program. Last time I try to do anything nice for someone, right? No loss there. He was very inexperienced in the bedroom, and while he grew better with that flexible body of his, there was only so much he could do with that equipment.

I dated a man who was 12 years older than me, with 9 and 11-year-old children. I started to believe in love and actually think I would have this family one day. I lost to another woman yet again. The ghost of a woman who never fully was real, and yet I was compared to her the whole time, and thus was never trusted because of her extreme betrayal.

I dated Christian Rocker, who was a total hypocrite. Still, his band is pretty bad-ass. I dated Mr Karaoke, sweet and gentle, until he sunk into his bipolar/OCD swings, getting paranoid and mean. I did wind up getting him a solid writing gig with my company in a different region, but separating myself from having any regular personal contact.

Of course, I cannot forget The Cop who drove more than an hour to see me. The sexy Cop who won me over with his charisma, his care, and that strong body as he flipped me over in body-to-body combat. Well, literally intro to martial arts combat, anyway…I was so ready to fall for him, as he begged me to serenade him again and again. The day after I recorded Happy Birthday on video for him, he told me his ex got back in contact and wanted to try again. A month ago, she flaked again; he says this was her last chance. Dare I even flirt a second chance for us? As tempting as seeing where that chemistry might’ve gone, I know the wisest answer is probably no, no, no.

And of course, we all remember when I fell for the BFD, who, in turn, could not ignore his obsession with the Brazilians.

I went on multiple dates with the MPH guy originally from Ghana. Yes, not just a black man, but someone actually from Africa. He had dreads and listened to Reggae and had gone to UC Berkeley, my total rival school. He is a great guy, but a friend. Sadly, he has disappeared, probably picking up on the fact that I never really saw him as more than a fascinating, fun friend to have.

There have been others. Those are some of the highlights. I’ve tried to step outside my comfort zone. Color outside the lines. The only one I still have hope for is The Kid, who still wants to see me…whenever he’s not out of town. And things went great with the Scot, but it’s terribly unrealistic to think we could make a Long Island/Northeast CT relationship work right now.

Oh, and there’s the puppeteer/musician from Springfield without a car…who lives in his dad’s basement.

Sometimes I start to get a little bummed at the way life has turned out—one high school friend just announced she’s expected her fourth kid. Another close friend is expected baby number 2. My best friend’s older daughter just turned 10. Everyone, myself included, imagined I would be the first married, the first with kids.

But hey, life hasn’t worked out that way. I know I am in good company of fabulous, beautiful, smart and funny singles with amazing hearts and wonderful things to offer when the right partner comes around.

And for now, emails like this put a smile on my face…even though he’s totally not my type, he made my day:

Hello there. I hope that you are having a great day. You know, I hate risking the thought of sounding like an idiot 
like most of other guys that get on 
here and probably have nothing more to say except “uh….you’re hot”, 
but I have to tell you that you are absolutely beautiful…..stunning actually.

I know it gets lame on here but I have to admit, you caught my attention at first because you are attractive, 
but I was pleasantly surprised with what I read in your profile. 
From what I read it appears that your personality is just as enticing as your beauty.

Listen I’ll cut this short for now, the last thing I want to do is bore you but I would really like to get to know you further. 
Maybe you can check out my profile to see if you’d like to continue or at least strike up a friendship.

If you read it and still want to blow me off, then simply fill out the official blow off form 
on triplicate carbon paper, have it notarized, mail one copy to me, 
keep one for yourself, and mail the other to your state senator. 
It might just be easier to write me back! 😉 Seriously though, I hope to talk to you soon, have a great day

The first sentence of that last paragraph totally cracked me up. This is at least worthy of a warm reply. It’s the kind of letter you dream of getting, and one we all deserve to have.

If any of you are feeling a bit down in the dating game, pretend this was addressed to you, as it so easily might have been. And read it to yourself when you need that little pick me up…when your boss just trashed a project you spent half the week working on, or later when you’re at the gym and you catch yourself looking at your reflection in the mirror and not liking the shape of those thighs, or even much later at bedtime, when once again you are snuggling in bed alone at night.

Remember the right to choose is not meant to be a curse, it’s a privilege. Enjoy the journey!

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