After yesterday’s excitement of the earthquake along the East Coast…that I didn’t feel—don’t cry for me, D.C., I used to live in California—I was feeling drained. I had recently finished an article that required a lot of research from multiple sources and listened to several painfully long lectures from my online school, as well as worked my body hard enough to feel the muscle burn. So when my phone beeped, alerting me that I had received a new email from, you guessed it, OkCupid, I was hesitant to look at a message from a guy calling himself “Call Me Sincere”:
I feel immensely attracted towards the way you look…after reading about what you’ve decided to enter about yourself I am glad that my brain’s heart is as pleased as my mind’s eyes…think it’s probable we could get to know one another and stay connected…we both don’t know where we may be in the future, but I’d like to know you
I wish I could share with you his entire profile for sheer entertainment value alone. Reading his metaphysical—read: cryptic to the point of unintelligible at times—and rambling treatise, you could add an extra laugh (or dozen) to your day. However, I’ll try to limit it to some of the highlights:
Although my pictures should speak a thousand words I will translate for those that have already misread me.
One photo is all tripped-out, psychedelic. The other photo just shows a relatively pleasant looking young guy; definitely nothing to blow me away. And seriously, dude, anyone with photo editing software can “speak” a thousand words.
I’ve mingled with different races & love Women in all shapes & sizes
I know he’s trying to show he embraces diversity, but “mingled with” just rubs me…in all the wrong ways.
I’m ecstatically eclectic yet stoic
What?? ‘Nuff said.
This native of Trinidad likes: writing poetry, practicing Kundalini yoga, debating political issues, viewing sunrises and… observing unidentified flying objects in meteor showers.
For those who put weight to such things, he states his personality type, ENFJ, on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. He’s Extroverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Judging. Immediately following this, he says how he’s inspired by atoms and colors.
Sincere is modest about what he’s good at:
(everything I touch, hmmm similar to King Midas)
Seriously I succeed at anything I wholeheartedly put my mind-power towards. Remaining in touch with my spirit/inner child+ using both hemispheres of my brain = acting as a free spirit transcending all dimensions.
A high school graduate, Sincere is fascinated by the field of psychology (surprise) and presumably is in college now, as he has aspirations to get his PhD. Besides, being a psychologist, he’s “set on creating the next children’s educational-entertainment-empire such as Spongebob Squarepants, Sesame St & Dora the Explorer.”
I wonder if he’s also considered work in guided imagery because he says all the right things. On a typical Friday night, when not with loved ones, he’s meditating, “knowing ALL is perfect as the present unravels our bright future.” AND…
I can feel my heartbeat in the tips of my fingers & throughout the entirety of my body I feel the streams of my life flowing.
Like many enterprising young people, he wants to start and run a business. Admirably, he also wants to start schools in impoverished areas (though quoting GI Joe: “knowing is half the battle”) and open up orphanages and community centers. But I found some of things he foresees in his future rather unusual: breed racing horses to be champions and sturgeons to harvest caviar…and designing a home with an indoor garden to, wait for it, “breed butterflies & sugar gliders.” Hey, you have to love someone who dreams big.
Sadly, Sincere knows people first probably view him as “mediocre street-thug,” but he smiles big when inspired, and he behaves “gentlemanly like an aristocrat with my heart on my sleeve & my brain on my heart which I equally treat like medals of honor.”
One private thing he was willing to admit that I found slightly humorous (it was better than his story about getting pinched on the butt by giggling girls while he was working as a janitor):
I’ve recently been told I resemble Steve Urkel;
I’ve recently been told I resemble Tiger Woods;
Another thing he reveals, perhaps to establish some street-cred:
I’ve been a gang-member as a teen! Sold community altering drugs later on when I legally became an adult! Been to jail, a few times!
I use my brain more than my fists! I have fully realized that a life of crime can only lead to two places (jail or dead) & only after experiencing it first hand have I learned the error of my ways.
And there is a happy ending to the story:
Therefore my decision to become a psychologist to help people who may have a chance to be saved before they turn into the zombies of the street.
So, if you’re still reading, check Sincere out if he possesses qualities you like: “tall, dark, amazing” or you:
wanna make some memories to last forever.
(Don’t say no just because you don’t know, find out for yourself)
Sorry, Sincere. I’m saying no. But I sincerely wish you the best. And I’m out.