Growing up in a Christian household, there wasn’t a lot of talk about the birds and the bees. Obviously I knew that people had sex and that it could result in pregnancies and babies, but when it came to the mechanics of the act, let alone pleasure and technique, I was pretty much clueless. To be honest, I really wouldn’t have become aware of myself as a sexual being growing up if it hadn’t been for Skinemax, AKA Cinemax After Dark and its late-at-night adult movies in late middle school.
My first serious boyfriend in my late teens was as green as I was about everything in the physical intimacy department. So we lovingly explored each other and attempted to overcome our sexual inhibitions together. Some things worked effortless, while other things took more time to get right.
It wasn’t until later, when I started having much more experienced partners that I began to experience more sexual shyness. Many years later, I feel quite comfortable with my techniques, learning what my partners like, and experimenting, whether with new positions, costumes or playing with toys. Yet there is always room for improvement.
In the year 2013, I’d like to see myself feel even freer to express to my lover exactly what I want in the bedroom. I’d also like to play with a few more of my fantasies, such as going to a strip club with my partner. Additionally, while I feel sexier and more proud of my body with my boyfriend than ever before, I’d still like to learn to really love my perky, little breasts even more—I’ll never be a Victoria Secret model, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Astroglide’s Sexual Wellness Ambassador and sex expert Dr. Yvonne Fulbright offers some tips for how you and I can overcome any sexual shyness we may harbor in this New Year and have better sex in 2013 (and make sure you read to the end for a special deal from Astroglide):
Tip 1: Get a firm grasp on what’s holding your back in the bedroom. Is it an inability to express what you are looking for your partner to do? Are you uncomfortable in your own skin and worry that your partner doesn’t find you attractive? Do you lack confidence in your ability to please your lover? Get specific about the barriers you need to overcome in claiming your hot-to-trot sexual self and an amazing sex life.
Tip 2: Get to know yourself. If you don’t know what pleases you—what you like and don’t like sexually—how can you expect your lover to know? Great lovemaking requires communication, taking the time to find out what arouses them, whether they are visual or tactile, and how and where they like to be touched. So first, take the time to get in touch with yourself. Fantasize—read erotica for inspiration. Play with toys. Experiment with your touch to discover whether you like things softer or harder, slower or faster, circular or up and down, or a variation of these. Role-playing with seduction and the process of foreplay will give you greater confidence to give instruction to a lover, even if it’s non-verbal.
Tip 3: Boost your body image. For many of us, the biggest challenge to getting into a sexy state of mind is our relationship with our own bodies. Many people will tell you the sexiest people are the most confident, and confidence comes with self -love. Do things that make you feel good about the skin you’re in, like getting regular exercise, eating healthy meals, avoiding toxins and shutting down negative self-talk. I would also add staying away from the majority of women’s magazines as well if you find yourself constantly comparing others’ bodies to yours. Become more intimate and connected to your body through movement and touch, with yoga, getting a massage, or wearing clothes that feel like they were made for you. For me, acknowledging that my breasts are the perfect size for my body type becomes more self-evident when I wear clothes that show off my petite, slender and athletic build. Every day, look in the mirror and find at least one thing about yourself—whether it’s your lips, eyes, shoulders or butt—that you love and acknowledge it out loud.
Tip 4: Study the masters. Knowledge is power when it comes to the art of sex. Many are insecure about their sexual expression because of lack of knowledge—about their own bodies, about what makes their partner stimulated and about how to successfully pull off different sexual moves. Read quality sex manuals. Educate yourself on erogenous zones, different sexual positions and techniques for oral sex and manual stimulation, and learn creative methods of seduction. The more you learn, the more you will boost your confidence as a lover, as well as expand your sexual repertoire.
Tip 5: Determine if your issues require extra assistance. Many women who have struggled with their sexuality as adults have encountered sexual abuse in the past, carrying guilt and sometimes fear or pain as they try to move forward into healthy sex lives. Adults who also have religious backgrounds that associate sex with guilt and shame may find it difficult to express sexuality in health ways. In cases such as these, working with a certified sex therapist or counselor can be extremely helpful for working through the past so that you can enjoy the future. You can find one in your area at www.aasect.org
A SPECIAL OFFER FOR MY READERS
Astroglide is also offering readers of my blog free samples to help you slide into a sexy new year. Look for how you can get your hands on them here. You are also invited to submit any questions about sex you may have to sexpert Dr Yvonne.
**This is a sponsored post for Astroglide**