A Broken Heart Just in Time For A Day of Lovers

Src: love.catchsmile.com

Src: love.catchsmile.com

No matter what obstacles we may have had between us, we always had our strength in communication. We could clear up misunderstandings by tracing where miscommunication had deteriorated the true message, eventually getting to the root of clear intent. A stop in the flow was only a temporary pause, until we could once again get the opportunity to openly express our feelings back and forth directly.

This silence is killing me. You claim it is to digest things, but I don’t know what there is to digest. You behaved in a way I felt was thoughtless. I voiced my discontent. You saw why I was upset and apologized. We also eventually voiced how we stood at different stages regarding the next chapter in our relationship. I had moved onto the next topic of discussion but you were still sending jabs at me as payback from the other topic. I didn’t recognize you then.

There were flickers of recognition when you backtracked and apologized. Yet when I attempted to further make peace, the stranger returned, metaphorically spitting back in my face, still unable to let go. Then I met stony silence.

You know I don’t do well with being shut out. That’s what started this all in the first place. I get that you are independent. I get that sometimes you need your space. Yet you also have to understand that when I am waiting for you, the respectful thing to do is let me now what’s going on and where you are. The loving thing to do is not to ignore me when you return. If you really want to be part of a couple, you don’t digest what’s going on by ignoring me for several days and expect that’s working through a problem.

You say you’re not angry, so this isn’t a cooling down period. What more do you have to digest? That I can get justifiably upset, and you don’t like that? You don’t think that’s what couples sometimes do? For 10 months of a relationship, having this occur once like this is really not so life ending. Yet you think that that’s reason to just throw your hands up and shut the door in my face?

After behaving like you’ve been so passionately in love with me up until just days ago, I don’t know how you so can quickly shut off the light. It makes me feel like none of this was real. It was all just fantasy. You wanted to want to be in a relationship. You wanted be in love. You wanted to be loved. Yet when it came down it, if it got hard, you were ready to disengage. It was doomed to fail anyway, isn’t that how your mind works?

We were “supposed” to be moving in together in a couple of months, and now I’ll be alone on my Valentine’s Day. Not that the actual day means anything, but your silence speaks volumes. I guess our relationship doesn’t mean enough to you to fight for and work through when the going gets a little hairy. As much as it hurts me, as much as I thought we stood the chance better than anyone, I guess I was wrong. I know I deserve better than that.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “A Broken Heart Just in Time For A Day of Lovers

  1. I am so sorry 😦

    It’s unthoughtful and confusing and seems like his actions came from a deeply internal place that he has kept hidden from u for a long time.

    You said something that for a moment, I thought you were talking to me: “If you really want to be part of a couple, you don’t digest what’s going on by ignoring me for several days and expect that’s working through a problem.”

    I am guilty of this behavior and your words helped me see where I fail to communicate efficiently and give my partner the respect he deserves in this relationship.

    Thank you for the insight you have given me. I shut down so easily and no one deserves to be around those like us. I hope his eyes can be opened as well.

    • Thank you for your reply. There are parts of my ex kept deep inside that I could never guess really impacted him. But that doesn’t mean I, him or you are unworthy of a relationship. Awareness is so huge.

      I needed to open my eyes and gain insight from this breakup, just as you have gained insight from reading this. I don’t think it’s helpful to punish ourselves for our past habits. We can move forward with greater awareness and intentions to be more open and healthy in our communication.

      I think the biggest mistake is simply to give up…as he did. But it might have been truly for the best, for other reasons as well.

  2. *hugs!* he sucks. And I agree, you do deserve better. I’ve been there and I don’t put up with it anymore. My biggest pet peeve is being ignored like that.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s