When The Tables Are Turned

In a perfect twist to my soap opera saga with Mr. Etiquette, this morning, he just found out he’s been the “other man” to his Miss Wonderful over the last 15 months. She broke things off again with him this past Sunday–in truth, there wasn’t really anything to break off besides words. In the last two weeks, she’d seen him one day for three hours and canceled every other “date” that they’d planned after that. Still, Mr. E. was crushed. He, of course, came to me for comfort, advice, etc. I was blunt with him, basically encouraging not to shed too many tears over a woman who has continually kicked him in the teeth for over the year. He seemed like he was trying to listen, even showing signs that he wanted to move on, be happy and at peace again.

Until this morning, when he decided to give things another try with Miss Wonderful, hunt down her father since he’d deleted all her numbers from his phone the day before, and put the father in the middle. He asked if he could bring some things to her father, explaining to him who Mr. Etiquette was. Dad was very confused and broke the news that Miss Wonderful was getting married…¿Cómo say what?

Obviously Mr. Etiquette is crushed, but he can’t say he couldn’t see this coming. Several times, he mentioned the gut feeling that his Former Dream Girl was seeing someone else. We talked about this on Friday night when we went to see a band, and I observed, “It is interesting that she never wants to get together on Fridays and Saturdays, and she’s totally fine with you hanging out with me on Friday nights.” She had time for everyone else throughout the weekend, but Mr. Etiquette was only deemed worthy of a couple hours late Sunday afternoons.

When FDG wouldn’t show, she would get hostile and defensive if Mr. E showed disappointment. Several of us in the know have been telling him her “anxiety” wouldn’t suddenly change her personality from sweet to bitch the way that it had over the course of the year if she really, truly loved him and wanted to be with him. Even with her anxiety she could handle the responsibilities of her job, being the maid of honor in a wedding with all the duties that entails, doing things for her family, spending time with all of her friends, so why was it only with him that she “couldn’t deal”?

My question remains why would he keep going back to this woman when he claims all he wants is to be loved by someone willing and capable of being loved, someone who respects, admires, desires him, and wants to build a life with him? Before I knew about FDG, I was capable of becoming that girl, and he knew it. He risked all that just to make sure FDG wouldn’t return to the love he thought she once was for not even 6 months over a year ago (when she got back together with her ex-boyfriend/now fiancé).

He kept saying he didn’t want to lose me as a friend, because he guessed things wouldn’t work out with FDG, and look–he was right. He got extremely jealous as I moved forward in dating, urging me not to move too quickly. He was going to come for me if things didn’t work out with FDG. Yet why would I want him? I would always know I was second-best. I know I deserve more than that.

Even more now, after she told him on Sunday after her last no-show, “please move on, please find love and get married, don’t call, text, email, or try to visit me again, I don’t love you,” he still tried to give it another chance today. He is more desperate than i thought. He is the one who needs extensive counseling, maybe just as much if not more than FDG. She is just a mean-spirited, cowardly bitch.  Mr. Etiquette is off his rocker. I feel sorry for him, but I don’t want to, to quote good ol’ Dr. Phil, “be his soft place to fall,” if it only drags me down to hell on earth as well.

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Remember to Play Nice in the Game of Dating

Well, I feel terrible, but with my long vacation where I very much bonded with a new guy, plus the emotional turmoil of last week’s wakes (yes, that’s plural, I’ll tell you about that one tomorrow) and funeral, plus the strange night with HH, I’ve been neglecting anyone I’d previously been in contact with on PlentyOfFish or on Match. Every day, I think about all the emails I owe, even if it’s to say, “Sorry I’ve been incognito, lot of shit’s been going on, but I’ll get back to you when I can,” but I just see them pile up, and I feel overwhelmed. I feel like I should just write a big ol’ apology to everyone in my profile saying, “sorry I thought I was ready for this, but it turns out I so don’t need any more help in this area right now.”

Remember the Nice Guy with Potential for Friendship? We shared many common interests, but he admitted he may not be ready to move into anything romantic after a relatively recent breakup. Well, he hasn’t forgotten me. I just saw an email from him in my inbox that made me say I definitely need to at least reply to him.

Hey, kind of surprised I haven’t heard from you. Did you meet somebody? If you did, congratulatations, that’s awesome. But, if not, I wanted to tell you that I was probably too hasty in saying I wasn’t ready for any romantic expectation. I mean, you never know what’s going to happen. I just didn’t want to get in a situation where we wouldn’t ever talk talk again or be friends if we went out and didn’t click on the dating-level instantly.

So, yeah, I’m still interested in getting to know you. However, there’s a chance I may have to return home to PA. I got laid off last week, and unemployment is not going to cover my bills. I’m substitute-teaching in the meantime while there’s still school, but that won’t exactly get it done either. I had an interview on Monday, so I’m hoping that’s going to come through….

J

He is cute. He is sweet. We do have a lot in common. I feel like we at least owe it to each other to meet once sooner rather than later, especially if he might have to move back home. I will always welcome a new friend who brings something good to the table.

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