Email of the Day: The Poet Who Doesn’t Know I Smell His Bulls**t

I really have no time to write here today, but I had to share these “emails of the day”.

First a winner from okcupid, from which I neglected to remove my profile out of sheer laziness, but I checked out of curiosity last night:

The beauty of your eyes looking into mine,
your skin, your hair all so soft and so fine,
how lucky am I that you Could be all mine.

My reply:

Shall I assume your poetry
Is something you send to all, not just me?
To capture my eye, and potentially my heart,
Shoot me something original to start

He did have the nerve to respond that this poem was written just for me, that he doesn’t share his poetry with just anyone. Um, yeah, right. Wonder how many girls actually buy that. And yes, I just made what his actual response to me sound about 10 times better than how he actually phrased it.

Today’s email of the day was a completely from out of nowhere message on Facebook from “Sunny Papa” whose page identified its gender as female:

Hello
I guess you are fine and living good. I know that this message come to you by surprise anyway, my name is Sunny a handsome young man I find you in when i am browsing in the internet and I’m really interesting to know you and establish a serious relationship with you. I wanna be your friend for first friendship cannot be seen or even be touched, it must be felt within the heart.Hoping you feel just the way i do. Wow! friends are like clothes without them you feel naked!I guess am right.I will tell you more about me, my family and all that maybe necessary in this relationship, If this is okay by you feel free to contact me at email (xxxxx) as to enable us get to know each other better and i will give you my picture please don’t ignore my request thanks. Have a wonderful day with lot of happiness.

best regards
Sunny

Wonder what virus sweet Sunny wanted to send to me, into which bank he/she wanted to tap, or which porn links (s)he wanted to share.

After ridiculously long and harrowing work hours, these things add some very mildly humorous fluff to the day. But I’d much rather one of you guys shared more uplifting stories like the Chilean miners’ rescue…or shared a cute YouTube video or even told me a funny joke. Really, that’s an invitation!

At least I have my soft and sweet kitty keeping me company tonight…

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Email of the Day: I Met a Lovely Poet

I’m feeling a little nauseous. I just spent the last two hours replying to the back-load of OkCupid emails that I have received over the last several days. There have been some oddballs in there. One guy I just flat out said I didn’t think we had very much in common, but I thought he was sweet, thanked him for contacting me, and wished him luck in his search. Others were just okay, so I just politely replied briefly, not expecting to be blown over by their response…particularly when their efforts to reach me simply were “Hi” or “I love your hair.” Seriously.

But fortunately, there were a few guys who intrigued me enough to put effort in my email response to them. Their profiles usually were a blend of intelligence and humor, often self-deprecating. And one email stood out above the rest, making my heart smile a little.

GravelyVocis

OKC, told me that you wouldn’t read this message. It said “Hey buddy you only match SingleInMy30’s at 69% and she requires at least an 80% match as computed by our OKC match-o-bot to fain interest in in you.” So I said “Bot, be dammed! This woman’s profile has piqued my interest and I will at least attempt one communique before I yield to the likes of an algorithm who’s actual standard deviation is probably suspect at best.” To which the bot replied, “Well then Mister Sassy Pants, go right ahead and send her a message…”

Hello SingleInMy30’s my name is Aquil. Your picture caught my eye and your profile caught my interest so despite the disclaimer that you would be filtering my message, I thought that I would write you anyway. So why did I decide to write you, I’ll steal some words from Maya Angelou:

The Impeccable Conception

I met a Lady Poet
who took for inspiration
colored birds, and whispered words,
a lover’s hesitation.

A falling leaf could stir her.
A wilting, dying rose
would make her write, both day and night,
the most rewarding prose.

She’d find a hidden meaning
in every pair of pants,
then hurry home to be alone
and write about romance.

Maya Angelou

Hopefully, you’ll feel inspired to write me despite our reckoned match, and then perhaps my own sweet prose will sneakily be attached!

Ciao Bella,
Aquil

Dear Aquil, that Maya Angelou poem seemed written especially for me. Way to impress. You better believe he got a lovely reply.

Tonight, Mr. Brit will be taking to his favorite Indian restaurant. I will ignore Mr. Etiquette’s unwarranted jealousy and pleas for me to “not move too fast with anyone”. Until tonight, I must write. You know, like my real job, grown-up writing! Wish me luck staying focused.