Learn What Singles in America Are Saying About Dating, Sex and Relationships From Match.com

MatchOn February 8, Match.com presented its first Singles In America panel to announce the results from its 2014 Singles in America study. The event was hosted by Millionaire Matchmaker Patti Stanger, who was joined by celebrity blogger Perez Hilton and other sex and relationship experts. This is the fourth year Match.com has done a comprehensive study of singles in the U.S., and as always, there were some surprising findings.

Stanger opened up the discussion by asking, “Who in the audience went on a first date and knew it was the one—so much so that you planned your future?” While none of the dating and relationship bloggers in the audience admitted that they had, Stanger said she’s done it a million times. And she is not alone.

According to the Singles in America study, 51 percent surveyed in America said they imagined a future together with someone on their first date. What is perhaps even more surprising is that men do it more often than women.

Dr. Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and chief scientific adviser to Match.com, felt the results made perfect sense. “Men are much more romantic than women are. They fall in love faster because they are so visual,” she said. “When they meet somebody that they really love, they want to bring them home to friends and family sooner. They want to move in sooner. Man have many more intimate conversations with their wives than women do with their husbands because women have intimate conversations with their girlfriends.”

Not sure who these husbands are having conversations with if their wives are chatting with their girlfriends—I think that’s more accurately called a monologue, but what do I know?

The panel was mixed as to whether the velocity of emotions that come with a man’s visual mindset gave their counterpart power.

“I do believe it’s about power, but what I’m searching for is equality.” Perez Hilton said of the very visual mindset of the gay male community.”

Leading sexpert and Bravo TV star Emily Morris said that while she loves her power, she felt that men’s visual mindset made them more fickle. A man might believe his Friday night date was the one…until he went out on his Saturday date.

Fisher disagreed. “I don’t think it’s about power—that’s a feminist thing that’s gotten into everyone’s head,” she said. “It’s about love and about trying to figure out, you know, who you’re going to spend your life, about who you’re going to spread your DNA into the next generation with.”

Another surprising study finding was that 59 percent of singles want to plan their first date together. Audience members and the panel agreed that the person who asks for the date should plan it. Stanger asked how this works.

“It’s entirely possible that they’re already beginning to negotiate who’s flexible, who’s dominating, who’s gonna play some sort of false impression of who they are,” said Fisher. “The first three minutes of meeting somebody are powerfully important for many, many reasons. The brain is constantly categorizing…”

In last year’s survey , the top two things dates were judged by were their teeth and grammar. This year, the top three were grammar, confidence and teeth. Respectively, they show youth and health, your psychological stability and your background.

Dinner reigned supreme for a first date activity. Stanger put it like this:

Drinks are an audition

Lunch is an interview

Coffee is cheap

And dinner is for romance

After a first date, 46 percent of men and 35 percent of women want there to be follow-up within 24 hours. Only 6 percent of men still abide by the 3-day rule. Fifty-one percent prefer a phone conversation, but texting is a close second.

Speaking of texting, ladies, put down your cell phones and breathe. Texting multiple times before the man replies is their biggest turn-off. And men, stop sending sexy photos—for women, that’s a big turn-off.

Statistics try to scare you into thinking that marriage-minded singles are a rare commodity these days. However, the Singles in America Study found 53 percent of singles want to get married, and a whopping 89 percent of singles believe you can still live happily ever after. And a big proportion of gay men and women also indicate they want to get married.

So where are people most likely to meet their last first date? You guessed it—online!

For more on singles, sex, dating and relationships, watch it here!

Live streaming video by Ustream**This is a sponsored post for Match.com**

Need Last-Minute Valentine Gift Ideas for Your Love? Make it Mosaic!

Capture Loving Memories with Mosaic Photo Album for Last-Minute Valentine's Day Gift IdeasMaybe you’ve waited until the last minute to get your sweetheart something for Valentine’s Day because the “perfect gift” hasn’t magically revealed itself to you yet. Maybe you’re all spent, emotionally and financially, after the holidays—and in my boyfriend and my situation, after two birthdays as well. Maybe you’re all done with this commercially overblown holiday when, really, you are someone who shows your love every day of the year. Perhaps a thoughtful gift that captures fun memories might be just what you’re seeking. Here’s why I decided to go with Mosaic Photo Books.

Using Mosaic Photo Album for Last-Minute Valentine's Day Gift IdeasMosaic is a really cool app, available for iPhone and Android, which allows you to create a physical photo book of 20 of your favorite photos for $20. You simply download the app for free and upload 20 pics to their platform. From there, you can shuffle the photos to your liking to create a personalized cover that features glimpses of your favorite memories with your number one man or woman. Fill in your billing and shipping info, click ‘order,’ and you’re done in less than 10 minutes.

Within four days—or so they promise—you’ll have a hard copy photo album in your hands! But Valentine’s Day is on Friday—can I really be sure it will get here in time? Perfect for procrastinators, Mosaic promises that you will get your custom photo album by Valentine’s Day if your order by the end of Monday, Feb. 10.

Mosaic Photo Album for Last-Minute Valentine's Day Gift IdeasI’m still waiting for my album to arrive, but I love the super-easy, user-friendly interface that is also visually appealing. You can see quite clearly which photos will or won’t work, and the ability to switch up your cover, which is a mosaic of the photos you’ve chosen, gives you even more opportunity to personalize the album and put your own creative stamp on your unique and heartfelt Valentine’s Day gift.

To start creating your photo album on your iPhone or iPad, visit the App Store. Android users can visit the Google Store.

***

This is a sponsored post for Mosaic.

How to Turn Your Online Flirting Into a Real Life Date

When Dating Online Turns to Real Life

Couple on a date, Src: Flickr/sblackley

When it comes to meeting dates online, there will always be an interim period where you get to know each other through messages before meeting up. This can be an exciting time, where every new email in your inbox can make your heart beat faster and you look forward to the next stage in the conversation. But what about when it comes time to meet? How do you turn your online flirting into a real life date? Here are five steps to lead you in the right direction.

1. Take it Slowly

There’s no need to rush. While you don’t want to spend too long going back and forth with messages, if you want to get to know your match a little better then feel free to wait. If the first meeting is awkward, you’ll be less likely to want to meet up again, so it may be better to wait until it feels right.

2. Don’t be Too Forward

Flirting online is all about keeping things light. You might have already discussed what you’re looking for in a relationship but using loaded words like ‘marriage’ or ‘motherhood’ may not be a good idea before you’ve even met. You’re looking to suss out the potential for a match, not commit yourself for life.

3. Ask for Their Personal Email

If you’ve been messaging each other for a while on a website such as eHarmony, and you’re getting impatient waiting for the next step, try asking for their personal email address. It’s a good first step towards a face-to-face meeting and it’s not too intimidating.

If they’re hesitant to give it, they may just be enjoying the attention without wanting to take things further.

An online dating success

An online dating success? Src: Flickr/adam_jones

4. Suggest a Relaxed First Date

When it comes to meeting up for the first time, you might both be feeling nervous about talking through the details. Try keeping things simple – if you have a favourite coffee shop or laid-back bar, ask your interest if they’ve heard of it and suggest meeting there for a drink. A relaxed, familiar atmosphere will help set the scene for a good first date.

5. Look for Partners Close By

If you’ve been messaging someone who lives far away, there may always be a reason why you can’t meet up. Long-distance relationships can blossom into long-term partnerships, but it’s hard to get things off the ground when you’d have to take a week off work to arrange to even meet them.

Try finding singles in your area by using online dating (click here to find out more) and you’ll be better placed for real-life encounters with potential matches.

**This is a sponsored post by eHarmony**

Are You Really Ready to Love In Sickness and In Health?

Are You Really Ready to Love in Sickness and in HealthA Picture of Illness in Action is Worth a Thousand Words

In the year and a half that the Warrior Poet and I have been together, I’m managed to keep this part of me hidden from my love. It wasn’t a conscious decision for me to hide it from him; it just turned out that way. He just happened to catch me in a mostly good spell. And while I had occasional flare ups outside of his company, I had never showed signs of my movement disorder in front of him. He never had to see me at my weakest.

I never had to ask him the question I’d wound up having to ask several men before him: Are you really ready to love in sickness and in health?

Read the rest of my article at Singles Warehouse to find out if WP is ready to step up to the plate:

http://www.singleswarehouse.co.uk/2013/11/really-ready-love-sickness-health/

How to Address the Dubious Sexual Double Standard for Women

sexual double standard for women

Src: flickr/JimmyBrown

Much of the discussion over the racy (or raunchy) VMA performance by former Disney star Miley Cyrus has focused on whether it was pointlessly over-the-top, whether it was morally irresponsible for a star with so many young fans, and even on whether her allegedly crude gestures and antics were offensive to black people. These are all interesting topics to debate, and I have elsewhere at length. But one thing that is also pressing on my mind is how to address the dubious sexual double standard for women today.

Blurred Lines On Young Women’s Behavior

There are more blurred lines for young women growing up today than what’s in Robin Thicke’s slick pop song, but some of his lyrics help shed light on the problem. Thicke croons that he’s going to take a good girl who <i>must</i> want to get nasty because of the wild way she behaves. The way she dresses is a green light for him to come in and “liberate” her from the type of lover who “tried to domesticate” her. Does this sound familiar to anyone else in today’s dating world? How many of us have just wanted a fun night out on the town, decked out in high heels and bare legs, simply looking to feel sexy while out dancing with friends, when we’ve run into the guy who wouldn’t believe us when we asserted, “not interested!”

Go to Singles Warehouse to read more about the

The Dubious Sexual Double Standard for Experienced Women

Can You Ask to Bring Your Love to a Wedding?

CanYouAskToBringYourLoveToAWeddingSummertime is finally here, and with it comes the annual parade of graduations and weddings. The Warrior Poet and I went to his cousin’s graduation party last weekend, have another cousin’s wedding coming up in September, and one of my cousins living a couple states away is getting married in August. Yet I came up against a wedding etiquette conundrum the other day: When in a committed relationship, can you ask to bring your love to a wedding if the invite is only for you?

WP’s invitations to the wedding and Jack-and-Jill party included a “plus one.” My invitation, which was actually part of my parents’, did not. This absence instigated a humorous battle between my parents that has stretched over several days.

Find out how I decided to handle this sticky situation on Singles Warehouse:

http://www.singleswarehouse.co.uk/2013/06/can-you-ask-to-bring-your-love-to-a-wedding/

Vote For Me While I’m Still ‘SingleInMy30s’

2013BestNicheDatingBlogYesterday I woke up to the exciting news that this blog, SingleInMy30s, was a finalist for the Best Niche Blog of the Great Dating Blogs 2013. I’m honored to be chosen especially as this blog hasn’t seen quite as much activity this year as in previous years that I’ve been writing it. Those of you who have been on the journey with me for a long time remember my online dating play-by-plays, sharing the crazy emails I’d get and my pointing out the far-out profiles I’d come across. You’ve been there when I’ve had my heart broken, when I’ve broken hearts, and you’ve been cheering me on in my quest for love.  You’ve even offered your support when I’ve revealed my health struggles. Some of you I have grown to consider friends, close friends. I can’t thank you all enough for for continuing to read this humble chronicle of my dating life, sharing in my joys and occasional sorrows.

I’m proud to be in such good company in the Great Dating Blogs competition. There are so many fantastic dating bloggers out there, truly, and you really should take the time to read some of their posts. Some are absolutely hilarious, some are incredibly inspiring, and others ponder great issues that we all wonder about but may be afraid to voice publicly.

VoteForMeThis may be one of my last years where I fit my particular niche of SingleInMy30s. While I’ll undoubtedly continue to write about my life, the content and tone will certainly be evolving. It would mean a great deal to me to celebrate and honor what has been a home for me here since January 2011. So consider clicking on that button to the left and vote for me under ‘Best Niche Blog’ of 2013.

Love, lust and romance to you all!

SingleInMy30s

Six Steps to Claim Your Sensual Confidence

SixStepsToClaimYourSensualConfidenceOne of my younger female friends reminds me a lot of myself before I came into my sexual confidence. Despite having the slim and fit build and striking looks envied by many women and admired by many men, her insecurity about having smaller breasts not only feeds her jealousy of her loving boyfriend’s perceived attraction to other, curvier women, but also interferes with her ability to fully accept his open adoration (and wild lust) for her physical self. A conversation we had one day inspired these six steps to claim your sensual confidence.

To Love Thyself Is To Know Thyself

And vice versa is also true. And knowing and loving thyself makes it so much easier for others to know and love you too! There is nothing more sensual than a person who is exceptionally comfortable in their own skin, recognizes their own strengths and talents, who knows what they like, and goes after (attracts) what he or she wants from life and from you.

Find out the rest of the steps on Singles Warehouse here:

http://www.singleswarehouse.co.uk/2013/06/six-steps-to-claim-your-sensual-confidence-by-soloat30/

Can Anyone Find Me A Video Game For Cleaning The House?

Src: hellobeautiful.com

Src: hellobeautiful.com

Yesterday I found myself reliving a scenario common to just about any romantic couple living together. It’s been a few years since I’ve been in this position, so while it didn’t come as a complete surprise, I was still unsettled that it would come so soon after we’d moved in. After discussions he instigated that Sunday afternoon would be our day of doing chores and cleaning the house, I found myself left with the Lysol bottle while he disappeared to the computer.

I tried to fight any negative emotions that bubbled up as I scrubbed the kitchen sink, after washing the dishes. He had told me he’d take care of the kitchen if I took care of the other stuff. Yet as soon as we’d finished the lunch he’d doled out, he leaped from the room, down the long hallway, out of sight and out of reach.

I knew what he was up to. Earlier, after we’d come back from the gym, he’d told up me about this character he wanted to fashion in the last epic video game he promised himself he would play before retiring. While we were eating, he had put up the podcast we enjoy listening to—except while the speakers had my rapt attention, the boyfriend was panning through character descriptions from other video games for various attributes and powers that would fit his ultimate warrior. I asked him a question about the podcast, and he had no idea what I was talking about, so immersed in this other world was he.

With a kitchen full of dirty dishes and counters begging to be wiped down, I set to work. “Why do I get grime-scrubbing duty while he gets to play video games,” I asked myself.

“Because he doesn’t notice the grime,” I answered myself. Or after years of bachelorhood, he’s learned to overlook the grime for much longer than I care to.

Src: Jupiterimages/Brand X Pictures/Getty Images

Src: Jupiterimages/Brand X Pictures/Getty Images

It’s not as if I hadn’t been forewarned. There are some things that my man is very good at, such as moving heavy things, reaching things at heights I can’t reach and he’s great at retrieving things for me when I am in the middle of something. And he takes care of his laundry, does most of the cooking and usually he will do his share of the dishes—though it may take longer for him to get to them than I’d like. He’s repeatedly told me he’s good at taking directions if I request help, though there are some things he won’t/can’t do well.

Yet as I found myself scrubbing down the bathroom and putting his forgotten laundry into the dryer, I couldn’t help having a smidgen of that old feeling of resentment. I know I shouldn’t. Right now, he’s financially responsible for everything, which I hope to fix very, very soon. Yet I remember old relationships where “We need to clean” always turned into me cleaning, cooking, doing laundry, buying groceries, etc.

I’m doing my best to remind myself that this relationship is very different from ones of my past. We have a loving partnership, in which he is very much invested in all ways. I know he will do his best not to take me for granted, as I will do everything I can to show my appreciation for all he does. Most of all, I have to remember that this wonderful man and I can communicate better than I ever believed possible for me in a romantic relationship. If I need help or need to see some signs he is pitching in elsewhere, I don’t have to be afraid to just ask.

How to Deal With Your Partner’s Ex Who is Still Hanging On

HowToDealWithYourPartnersExWhoIsStillHangingOnFrom the beginning, my boyfriend and I have been very open and honest with one other about our past relationships. He knows about many of the issues that led to the breakups with my biggest exes, and I know his perspective on what some of the biggest factors were that ended his last four-year relationship. He knew that I casually kept in touch with a couple of my exes, considering a couple actual friends, and I found out that occasionally he and his ex had text exchanges. It became apparent that she hadn’t moved on from him, though it’s now been almost two years since they officially broke up. Yet it never really concerned me because she’s never made a presence in my actual life…but that’s about to change. So now I’m left wondering how to deal with your partner’s ex who is still hanging on.

Read more here: http://www.singleswarehouse.co.uk/2013/06/how-to-deal-with-your-partners-ex-who-is-still-hanging-on/

On Singles Warehouse